Talking to parents about their BPD children requires, at times, the wisdom of Solomon. Some parents are themselves responsible for assisting in the creation of the psychotraumatic environmental conditions that shape the borderline behavior (Factor I BPD). Sometimes it was their spouse, other family members, or outsiders who perpetrated the psychotrauma. But unfortunately the parent was helpless to stop or prevent it and may have even been a co-victim of the traumas.
Talking to parents about their BPD children requires, at times, the wisdom of Solomon. Some parents are themselves responsible for assisting in the creation of the psychotraumatic environmental conditions that shape the borderline behavior (Factor I BPD). Sometimes it was their spouse, other family members, or outsiders who perpetrated the psychotrauma. But unfortunately the parent was helpless to stop or prevent it and may have even been a co-victim of the traumas.
Parents of Factor II BPD children did nothing other than to try to cope as well as they could with a very difficult child. Under the strain and stress of such a child's behaviors even the best of us make mistakes. However, the biological vulnerability, and not the mistakes, initiate the process that conditions Factor II borderline behaviors.
For Factor I BPD parents coming to terms with your part in the development of the disorder will not be easy. If you are a parent of such a person, chances are that you played a significant role in the development of your son or daughter's problem. Parents who begin to research BPD often react to it with anger because they believe that they are being blamed for their children's problems. It is important to understand that, while you are responsible, you are not to blame.
The worst thing anyone could say to a parent is that he or she is a bad parent. Understand coming to terms with your role does not mean that you are a bad parent. I do not seek, and do not have the right, to blame anyone for anything. The forces that create dysfunctional family life are many. Society as a whole bears a large degree of the responsibility for creating many of the forces that condition people to treat one another in psychotraumatic ways.
Remember that all parents were once children. Their own parenting style was shaped by how they were raised. If you are a parent exploring BPD, look at the issue first as a child, and then as a parent. Dysfunctional behavior is passed down through the generations and society's demands and stressors affect everyone's ability to be a good parent. A good parent is someone who loves his or her children without condition. A good parent wants to minimize his or her children's pain. By better understanding your childhood, your evaluation of how you raised your children may change. Such a change may help to heal everyone.
The story of why you did what you did (or did not do) is one that deserves to be told. Your readiness to tell your own story will determine your ability to tolerate your child's story.
For everyone involved with BPD, what has happened is over and what matters lies ahead. Open your mind and let go of your negative emotions. If it can happen let it.
Parents of Factor II BPD children did nothing other than to try to cope as well as they could with a very difficult child. Under the strain and stress of such a child's behaviors even the best of us make mistakes. However, the biological vulnerability, and not the mistakes, initiate the process that conditions Factor II borderline behaviors.
For Factor I BPD parents coming to terms with your part in the development of the disorder will not be easy. If you are a parent of such a person, chances are that you played a significant role in the development of your son or daughter's problem. Parents who begin to research BPD often react to it with anger because they believe that they are being blamed for their children's problems. It is important to understand that, while you are responsible, you are not to blame.
The worst thing anyone could say to a parent is that he or she is a bad parent. Understand coming to terms with your role does not mean that you are a bad parent. I do not seek, and do not have the right, to blame anyone for anything. The forces that create dysfunctional family life are many. Society as a whole bears a large degree of the responsibility for creating many of the forces that condition people to treat one another in psychotraumatic ways.
Remember that all parents were once children. Their own parenting style was shaped by how they were raised. If you are a parent exploring BPD, look at the issue first as a child, and then as a parent. Dysfunctional behavior is passed down through the generations and society's demands and stressors affect everyone's ability to be a good parent. A good parent is someone who loves his or her children without condition. A good parent wants to minimize his or her children's pain. By better understanding your childhood, your evaluation of how you raised your children may change. Such a change may help to heal everyone.
The story of why you did what you did (or did not do) is one that deserves to be told. Your readiness to tell your own story will determine your ability to tolerate your child's story.
BlueSky Behavioral Health offers individualized treatment programs for mental health disorders such as BPD. Our supportive and licensed clinical staff can make a difference in your life. Learn how to live life well - contact our facility today.
