A Cheesy Kind Of Love

Romance and cheese may not have a lot in common, but they sure do have one twist that’s quite distinct. And that’s the fact that both of them can turn out to be quite a stinker!

Falling in love may be hard on the knees, but slipping on cheesy love can be just as disastrous. The difference between Casanova and Grimp the Pimp when it comes to love may not be much. It could all be just a matter of how sensitive and innovative they can be, and also which cheese they prefer over the rest!

WOOING YOUR MATE

The easiest way to impress your love is by giving gifts. Even an ogre with no taste or a prehistoric nomad would be able to tell you that much, but from that point onwards, it’s all about what you give and how you give it. An element of surprise always work though. The best way to pick a gift is by thinking of your mate as an individual rather than a member of bandwagon. And anything handmade or sentimental are always higher up on the charts, unless they’re pretty lame or boring. Let’s admit it, a pair of beady lopsided earings may be sweet, but can you really wear it out and wait for the flattery and appreciation to come in? Don’t think so.

CHEESY ROMANCE

Now we get into the world of cheesy romance. If you want to know where you rate if you were to be turned into cheese based on your love meter, this is exactly where you’d stand.

Parmesan cheese

This cheese is amongst the least smelly in the smelly grades of cheeses. It has a hard, pale golden rind and a straw coloured interior with a rich, sharp flavour.

You’d be turned into this cheese if you believe that roses are the sweetest flowers, even though you know deep inside that you think there are better flowers in the world. Rather you should learn to pick flowers based on what your lovers likes. You’d also be this cheese if you make hand drawn cards for no reason at all, or make photo albums of your love life, or do really sweet things like meeting your lover with a big load of heart shaped balloons at the airport. Not only is it quite embarassing, it’s also mildly distasteful.

Camembert de Normandie

When fresh, this cheese is quite crumbly and relatively hard, but it characteristically rippens and becomes and becomes more runny and strongly flavoured as it ages. It’s quite stinky really!

You could be swapped for this stinky cheese if you get way too corny and overboard with your affection. Remember, your partner does have feelings, and stupid embarassment is a feeling too! You’re pretty stinky if you think serenading your lover by singing on a karaoke night is sweet. Likewise, the same cheese holds good if your idea of the coolest way to say “I love you, coochie-poo” is by having an RJ read out your message on air, to hundreds or thousands of listeners. But if you could actually say the same out on phone without having to let the world know about it, you could be upgraded back to the Parmesan cheese.

Vieux Boulogne

Welcome the royal highness of stinkyness! This cheese is definitely the stinkiest cheese in the world, and unless you’ve got a fetish for stinking stuff, you wouldn’t want to touch this with a barge pole!

You definitely belong right here if you’ve got no imagination in love. If you think cute teddy bear soft toys with little red hearts is chocwheet, then submerge yourself and feel at home being this cheese. You definitely belong here if you believe in love letters with perfume and lip stick marks, longs poems that never have endings and just have two ends attached to rerun the poem on and on, or if you’re a fan of pick up lines. And if you’re thinking sexy underwear, I’m sorry underwear isn’t exactly a part of love, that comes in hanky panky! 

So unless you want to stink up your romance until you blend well with the stinkiest of cheeses, pull yourself together and work your magic with creative ideas that your mate can relate to. Teddy bears with hearts on their sleeves are seriously a thing of the past, unless your sweetheart’s just as corny!