How To Deal With A Rejection: What Can Be Done?

The end of school is a complex moment in which to sum up the school year just ended.

The end of school is a complex moment in which to sum up the school year just ended. Although usually children and parents are prepared on the results of the report cards, it is not always easy to accept the decisions made by the class council, especially if negative. In fact, students and families are usually aware of school progress, but being black on white a rejection is always an experience that activates strong and contrasting feelings. And this applies to both boys and their parents. It is not easy, in fact, to understand how to deal with a rejection.

Even if the signs were all there, facing a rejection is never easy. As prepared as it may be, kids and parents can experience this moment in a very complex way, with a high load of suffering. In addition to the boy's pain, in fact, the experiences of failure and frustration of the parents are added, thus risking to struggle to maintain a balanced and constructive attitude.


Sometimes, faced with a rejection, children and young people seem to remain impassive. The thing does not seem to concern them, they shrug their shoulders and, perhaps, they say that they don't care at all. But is it really always like this? Do those phrases really reflect what the boy feels?

It is important not to stop at the first impression. Each boy experiences rejection in a personal way, but, surely, such an important event cannot fail to trigger emotions. They can be the most disparate. There are children who get angry at school and teachers because they feel they have not been understood. Others, on the other hand, are angry at themselves for not being able to commit enough or for not realizing what was happening. Teens may feel inadequate and have a strong sense of frustration and failure. They can feel sad and low in spirits. And this even if, apparently, they don't show it.

At other times, children may experience fear. Fear of the judgment of mom and dad, brothers and sisters. They may feel uncomfortable with classmates or with a group of friends. Children can fear the judgment of others towards them. "How will they consider me now?" "What will they think of me?" these are just some of the questions that children can ask themselves. Even the fear of the New Year may be present in children. A new class, new classmates and new teachers are a new world to be faced with. Placing yourself in a new context, in an already started classroom, can be scary. Sometimes, the fear of being reboiled may also arise ("What if I should be rejected again?") And, this, generate anxiety and severe anguish, sometimes even paralyzing.


Also in this case the reactions of mom and dad can be the most disparate. Sometimes, mom and dad have the same view of the situation, while other times the two views compensate or can be completely opposite. Even for parents, feelings can be different. Sometimes frustration, sadness, a sense of failure and helplessness can be the prevailing emotions. At other times, parents try to trivialize, or to find an external device to blame. At other times, however, anger towards the child prevails. From this, often, "exemplary" punishments and punishments arise. Especially when boys and children apparently don't care, parents' distress seems to increase exponentially.



Understanding how to best face a rejection is not easy. It is important to maintain an empathetic and welcoming attitude towards your child, even when it seems that the boy does not care much. In reality, often, as mentioned above, suffering from a great deal of pain and a deep sense of failure hides behind sufficient behavior. It is therefore important to avoid releasing anger towards the child. The criticisms, in fact, must be put towards his behavior, not his person.

Furthermore, even if it is often not directly manifested, children suffer a lot from the disappointment that a rejection can provoke in parents. For this reason it is important to show sorrow and emotional closeness to the boy, but, at the same time, avoid expressing feelings of disappointment. This, obviously, does not mean that there must be no reflection on what happened, but the attention to the emotional part cannot be overlooked.


Often one wonders if some kind of punishment can be useful in the face of rejection. Even if rewards tend to work better in the case of correct behavior, the important thing is that whatever consequence you decide to impose, it must be maintained. It is good to prefer short and specific measures, so that mom and dad can easily apply them. If, on the other hand, punishment is given on the wave of emotion, there is a risk of not completing it and, consequently, it loses its value.

Phrases such as "Now you won't go out all summer" or "From today no phone" are quite widespread, but, besides being unrealistic, they cannot motivate you to study. This does not mean that we cannot decide to take action, but we need to think carefully about the goal we want to set ourselves. It is important, in fact, not to confuse punishment with planning a study project. These are two distinct floors. It is necessary to distinguish the two levels well, also to avoid that the study acquires an even more aversive connotation for the child.


Especially in recent years, we are witnessing the tendency to accuse the school of being responsible for failing their children. Although this may be true in some situations, it is important to reason with your child about your responsibilities. In fact, overprotecting children and young people can be very dangerous. Children must learn to experience small and large frustrations in order to handle this feeling so difficult to deal with. If you do not experience these, in fact, the risk is that when you inevitably find yourself dealing with complex situations, you will not be able to cope with them adequately.


Finally, after the first moment, it is important to understand how to face a rejection also from a practical point of view. It is essential to reflect on what to do next. Change school or continue in the same institution? Obviously, there is no prepackaged answer. Usually it is preferable not to make hot decisions, but it is advisable to let the disappointment settle and reflect together on what to do. It is only by evaluating the pros and cons of each choice together to make a careful and conscious decision.

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